| THE SECRET POWERS OF THANKsŪ (TRUST and TRUSTWORTHINESS ) |
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This e-newsletter is the beginning of our series on the secrets embedded within the THANKs® program. Today’s focus will be on the topic of Trust and Trustworthiness and some ideas to think about and practice.
The topic of TRUST and TRUSTWORTHINESS is so diverse, and so expansive, that it is too vast to possibly cover in one article. For the purposes of this article, we will focus on a few elements of trust and trustworthiness that seem to be relevant to us all.
Our abilities to trust and be trustworthy are deeply influenced by a combination of our histories, how we “read” others, and the fear associated with being open and vulnerable.
We can generally assess our own level of trust towards an individual by looking at the following:
1. If I put a backup plan in place because I don’t fully trust this individual
2. If I have past experiences of this individual not following through
3. If I just sense something that tells me I better brace or have other options
4. If I look at the data and I assess that this person doesn’t have a good track record of making good on his/her promises
How we’ve been raised will have great influence over our ability to trust and be trustworthy. It is an inherent part of our “Being” to trust, and to please through displays of trustworthiness. There are those who have been deeply betrayed in their formative years leaving deep wounds that make it virtually impossible to trust. Consequently, to equal measure, these individuals will struggle to be trustworthy as well. For most people however, there is a desire and basic need to be in relationships with people they can trust and be trustworthy towards.
When we look at how we assess if a person is trustworthy when we first meet them, depending on how we process information will determine our method. People that are predisposed towards their “gut” instincts or their intuition will generally assess through a sense or a feeling if a person is trustworthy. People who are predisposed towards thinking and observing processes, will lean more toward examining data and facts by what they observe, depending far less on intuition.
Regardless of how we assess a person’s trustworthiness, it will be through a task, a joint venture, a meaningful dialog (emotional trust)or a commitment, that ultimately determines if our initial assessment is accurate. The development and strengthening of all relationships will be built on trust. If there is a favorable outcome, it leaves us with information that this person has integrity, will follow through on what they say they’re going to do, and will create a foundation towards the potential of a relationship built on trust.
The key secret to being in trusting relationships in the workplace, at home and in friendships is to be Trustworthy! All of us like to think of ourselves as trustworthy individuals, and to a certain measure, we are. The value of taking time to assess where we could improve, examine our motives, and look at where we come up short in the area of trustworthiness, is a worthy endeavor. When we inventory ourselves in this way, it is extremely useful to see how fear can compromise our willingness or ability to be trustworthy. The following is a list of a few fear based responses to inventory, that could compromise our willingness to be trustworthy:
STOP HERE!
We invite you to take out a pad and pen and inventory 2 ways you could improve your level of trustworthiness that have been impacted or blocked because of the above fears!
Our employers, our partners, our kids and our friends place a very high priority on our ability to be trustworthy. One of the most difficult but worthy tasks (another secret) is to be trustworthy towards everyone we interact with, regardless of their behaviors, attitudes and motives.
Trustworthiness is a principle that is inherently connected to personal integrity. It is sometimes easy to justify why we don’t have to be trustworthy when somebody else’s behaviors or actions instigates a negative reaction within us. Ultimately, we are only responsible for keeping our side of the street clean, and this occurs through making good on our commitments, promises actions and behaviors.
The most difficult task to accomplish, barring none, is how to separate our actions from our feelings. Ask yourself; When do I give myself permission to not be trustworthy? When is it okay to compromise my integrity and my actions or behaviors? Fortunately, the only essential answer is NEVER! Because we are human though, we need to look at our own belief systems, perceptions of truth and ideologies that drive us to legitimize our untrustworthy actions. Below are a few beliefs worth paying close attention to:
It is without reservation that I can genuinely say, when we compromise our own ability to be trustworthy, the one we ultimately hurt is ourselves. This unwavering principle (or secret if you prefer) is built on ancient teachings of philosophers, religious and spiritual leaders and some of the great political leaders throughout history. It is always in what we bring of ourselves into the essence of service and giving that fulfills our sense of purpose and meaning. In other words, being trustworthy for its’ own sake is to abide by unshakeable, natural laws that will always pay dividends to us when our motives are pure and honest.
The following is a list of character traits that if practiced, will leave others to experience you as very trustworthy. In addition, you will be in the flow of natural law that subsequently develops and sustains personal integrity and an abundance of success.
1. Do as you say you will do
2. Show up when you say you are going to be somewhere (or make a call to let the other(s) know you are running late)
3. Listen intently (empathy) to others for complete understanding before responding
4. Be impeccable with the words you use and the words you choose when speaking to others
5. Separate out how you feel from how you behave when upset, angry or afraid
6. Be consistent and have solid conviction. Be credible through the display of your actions
7. Adhere to promises and commitments
8. Be fair and honest in your business and family practices
9. Don’t be reckless with your work or your responsibilities
10.Take ownership of your perspective and beliefs and take the time to understand others perspectives and beliefs
The information above barely scratches the surface of Trust principles. It is our commitment at Trans-World Dynamics, LLC to stay open and willing to teach and learn more about Trust and Trustworthiness, and share this wisdom as we gain greater insight and understanding. Take the time to apply any of the above ideas into your day and see the results for yourself. If something works, pass it on. If it doesn’t, take what you find valuable and leave the rest behind.
In our next e-newsletter we will be sharing about the secrets and principles regarding Honesty.
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