| THE SECRET POWERS OF THANKsŪ (HONESTY) |
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This e-newsletter is the next in our series on the secrets embedded within the THANKs® program. Today’s focus will be on the topic of Honesty and some ideas to think about and practice.
“Tell a lie; stick a needle in your eye”
“Cross my heart and hope to die”
“Do you promise to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help you God”?
“I swear on my fathers/mothers grave”
“If you’re not telling the truth your nose will grow, just like Pinocchio”
“Liar, Liar pants on fire.”
As a boy, I remember hearing all of these professions regarding honesty. Some would ring out when trading secrets with my friends while playing tag or riding bikes around our neighborhood. Others would be witnessed when I watched TV shows like Perry Mason (if you are under 45 years of age, you might not remember this show, try Boston Legal). And still others, would be used as scare tactics to see if I was telling the truth.
In each case, the consistent theme was to always be honest. There were exceptions to the rule however, and I sure had a difficult time figuring out when the exceptions were applicable. Below are a few exceptions I recall that I could never quite figure out how and when to use them.
When we take the time to look back at our youth, there is much we can learn about regarding the messages and modeling of honesty which had influence over us. Whether these messages were embedded in religious beliefs, family values or just good old morality, the majority of us were taught that honesty is a virtue…………to a point.
I have spent the last ¼ of a century exploring the meaning and the value of honesty. The 4 categories below, reflect a comprehensive picture of honesty and its’ multi dimensional aspects.
1. Self Honesty
1. An honest appraisal of our life all the way back to childhood
a. Where, when and how did we harm others
b. How did we harm ourselves
c. What are the associated fears and threats associated with the harming of ourselves and others
d. What assets did we have
e. How have we helped others
f. How have we honored ourselves
2. Ownership of current mistakes, character flaws and wrongdoings
a. Did we hurt someone today through our actions, words or behaviors
b. If we did hurt someone, did we make a sincere, honest apology
c. Are we honestly attempting to rectify our actions, words and behaviors
d. Are we taking an honest look at ourselves, regarding current fears that legitimize and justify our dishonesty
STOP HERE
Take 5 minutes to think about your past and some of the influences in your life that impacted your beliefs regarding honesty. How have these beliefs molded or shaped the way you look at self honesty?
Most people do not or will not take the time to do this sort of self examination. Many people that I have worked with over the years never even considered that examining their past was an option. Perhaps it’s because they believe they are honest enough. Perhaps it’s because they are willing to live with the consequences of their dishonesty. It could be that examining their history is too daunting and there is too much fear associated with an honest appraisal.
Whatever the case may be, the undisputable secret that is embedded in an honest self appraisal is greater freedom, better relationships, increased quality of life, and humility that is essential for connection with others.
2. Cash Register Honesty
1. Giving back the extra money to the cashier that he/she gave us by mistake
2. Not being sneaky or dishonest in regard to family finances, money matters with our business partners, or our employers and employees
3. Not stealing materials from our workplace, hotels, stores, etc.
4. Paying for all purchases, even if we could get away without paying
5. Handling our finances responsibly by living within our means
3. Relationship Honesty
1. Disclosure of thoughts, feelings and ideas
a. Are we withholding information from colleagues, spouse or family that we would want shared with us if the shoe were on the other foot
b. Are we honest about our thoughts and feelings if someone has done something that is upsetting to us
c. Are we honest about our thoughts and feelings if somebody has done something noteworthy and deserves a compliment or an acknowledgement
d. Do we maintain integrity when sharing our thoughts, feelings and ideas with colleagues, friends and family
2. Are we honest in all of our relationships to the same degree that we want others to be honest with us
4. Instinctual Honesty
In 1987 I ventured out into a start up business with 2 partners. My excitement level was high and I was sure we were a success waiting to happen. My wife, on the other hand, was skeptical and didn’t get a good “feeling” about the whole venture. She explained to me what her instincts had been telling her regarding my business partner choices, and her concerns regarding the way we were going about the development of the business. Well, in spite of her skepticism, I left my supervisory job I had been in for 6 years and decided to go for it.
I tightened my belt by bringing peanut butter sandwiches to work each day and scaling back on expenditures. As the weeks turned into months and business wasn’t booming, the investment money quickly dried up. I started to realize my wife’s instincts had been right on.
With my tail between my legs, I returned to my previous employer to see if I could get my position back. She graciously rehired me and was glad to have me return. I learned a lot from my wife as a result of this experience. It woke me up to the instinctual honesty within myself and to not let it get trumped by a blind eye or my ego. Over the past 20 years, my instincts have increased my level of self honesty about “unseen truths” dramatically, and have equal, perhaps even greater value then cash register honesty.
We all have instincts, a 6th sense, or an intuitive knowing built into our consciousness. For most people, they have learned to ignore those instincts at times it would serve them well to trust them. The next time you get a “quick hit” about something that your mind is attempting to convince you otherwise, try following the instinct and trusting it. Needless to say, we won’t always have success with it, but the more we acknowledge its presence the better we will become at trusting our intuition or knowing.
Examining any one of these areas of honesty will serve to transform people’s lives. Although it is not an easy task, the payoff that is derived from the endeavor is well worth it. As always, we at Trans-World Dynamics, LLC wish you well, and invite you to try any of the suggestions within this article. If it works, share it with others. If not, take what you want and leave the rest behind.
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