| GOALS AND RESOLUTIONS for the YEAR AHEAD (2008) |
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GOALS AND RESOLUTIONS for the YEAR AHEAD
Do I dare? Should I even consider making resolutions or goals for the 2008 year? Who am I kidding? I start out strong and with great resolve, BUT, it never seems to materialize in any type of permanent change for me. How many times have I tried this only to feel guilty as a result of yet, another failed attempt?
How many of us get to this place in our life where we FEAR setting goals or making resolutions due to a long history of seeming failures? This dilemma is prevalent for so many of us. We can spend an infinite amount of time trying to figure out what goes wrong, but it won’t necessarily teach us what we need to do differently.
We would like to share with you some of our findings through personal and professional experiences that have helped us to get more proficient at achieving desired goals and resolutions. Over the course of many years of trial by fire, I, Bob, worked with a mentor who taught me about this baffling part of our ego called the “Forgetter Switch”. It takes form in many insidious and cunning forms. Having intention to fulfill a goal, or stick to our resolve, will usually bring about the Forgetter Switch’s presence.
You’ve decided that you are going to lose that extra 20 pounds you’ve been annoyed with and unhappy about. It’s the 1st of the New Year and now’s the time. You start out with great resolve as you buy healthy foods, start going regularly to the gym and weigh yourself daily for the reinforcement (which by the way I don’t recommend). Then about 2 or 3 weeks into the process there’s a little voice or a low grade apathy that says “it’s okay to indulge in a treat or not go to the gym today”. This little voice is the Forgetter Switch. It literally shifts our perception and resolve regarding the desired outcome we are seeking.
It convinces us that we can hedge our bets or cheat a little bit. It tells us, sometimes consciously, sometimes unconsciously, that even with cutting corners or cheating for a day we’ll get right back on track and be good to go. Basically, it’s the saboteur within. All too often the forgetter switch then leads us to the “F#*% it” switch. I blew it so I’ll just eat what I want and I won’t care. At this point, all bets are off and the resolve is gone along with the goal of losing that 20 pounds. If you’re fortunate, it won’t be a new resolution next year of wanting to lose 30 pounds.
Attempting to achieve personal and professional goals is no small task. This forgetter switch that we possess is a habitual part of our ego attempting to undermine and sabotage our goals and resolutions. So how do we circumvent this baffling part of our brains makeup? Well, here are some ideas that you might find helpful.
Step 1
Start out by sitting down in a quiet place by really giving some thought as to what meaningful goals or resolution(s) you would like to make. Write down the ones that you would really like to focus on and put energy into. Be very specific. Ask yourself why this goal has importance and personal meaning to you. Then write down the reasons, the benefits and the favorable results that would be attained through the achievement of these goals and resolutions. How will you feel upon the accomplishing of these goals based on the importance and personal meaning you have placed on them? Write all of this down as a way of really getting focused.
Step 2
Write down the resources, support and help you anticipate needing in order to accomplish these goals, in order to maximize your chances of succeeding. It could be individual coaching, a support group, a daily chart to mark off tasks you need to do, or purchasing a journal to write in daily as a way of staying focused on your goals.
Step 3
Be specific and set a plan of action. Write down specific short term goals as a means towards achieving your long range goal. If your goal is to paint that shed in the back yard that you’ve been putting off for the past 5 years, start out by setting a target date to have the paint color picked out. Then set a subsequent date that you will buy the necessary amount of paint that it will take to do the job. If you aren’t sure how to prep before painting, set a deadline date as to when you will talk with a painting expert to give you that information.
Then, set a starting date and a completion date as to when you will begin and finish the job. Remember, you wrote down why this goal is important and how you’ll feel once it’s accomplished. You’ll find that breaking a goal down into smaller goals will help build momentum and keep the forgetter switch from engaging. You’ll notice that in the above example we suggested using dates as a tool for motivation and accountability.
Step 4
Have an accountability partner. Having a “go to person” as a way of holding your feet to the fire is immensely helpful in keeping that forgetter switch at bay. This person can be a trusted friend, a spouse, a support group person, or a family member who will encourage you, while at the same time not let you off the hook in terms of accountability. You want to pick somebody who cares enough about you that they’ll call you on your excuse making and hold you accountable to the goal you desire to achieve. It also serves to keep you motivated as opposed to just going it alone. The forgetter switch likes people who set goals or make resolutions in secret, because then its infiltration doesn’t have anybody else to chase it away.
The only reason for setting up goals or resolutions secretly is due to the fear of not being able to accomplish them. Then, if you don’t succeed, you can tell yourself you won’t feel foolish in the eyes of someone who knows what you’re attempting to do. Conversely, the success will more readily come if you do invite others whom you trust to participate in your process. Share with him/her your concerns, your weak areas and your apprehensions based on past failures.
Let her/him know what you need in terms of being held accountable as well as pitfalls to watch for. Your accountability partner should be someone who won’t stand in judgment of you (you’ll do that sufficiently to yourself) and understands that you might very well face challenges or setbacks along the way. It can be quite useful to have your accountability partner be someone who is working on their own goal(s) or resolutions and uses you as their accountability person.
Step 5
Take time weekly to visualize the outcome of your goals and resolutions. Sit quietly and visualize in your mind’s eye what the final result of your goals and resolutions will look like, feel like and be like for you. I, Brad, think it is useful to actually purchase something that is representative of the goal you are working towards achieving. Think about the 20 pounds you are working on losing. Go out and buy a nice pair of pants or a nice blouse that you’ll fit into upon the loss of the weight. Put it in a visible place where you can see it, to be used as an incentive.
I, Bob, know this tool to be very effective. When I was training to become a Black belt in Shotokan Karate, my sensei brought the Black belt into the dojo and hung it up in a visible place where I could see it daily. It was a constant reminder of what I was working towards. It helped to keep me motivated and focused until the day came when I tested and was awarded the belt. If we can visualize it, we can achieve it. It’s within each of us to fulfill goals and create successful outcomes with resolutions we make. Visualization is a very powerful tool.
Step 6
Review your goals and resolutions. Pull out your goals and resolutions list along with the list of resources and support you wrote about initially, every few weeks. See if there are things that have arisen that you hadn’t anticipated on. Are there additional resources or support systems you need to add to the list that you weren’t aware of initially?
Staying current in this fashion will help you keep the reality of your goals and resolutions alive and attainable in most cases. Assess if you are on track and if the goals and resolutions are still being worked towards. Check and see if the forgetter switch has cunningly found its way in. If so, you want to immediately talk to your accountability partner to recommit to the goal(s). And be mindful, one of the ways that the forgetter switch can be insidious is tell you not to contact your accountability partner.
This process might seem like a lot of work as a way of achieving your goals, or making good on the resolutions you are taking on. We are hard wired to live in patterns. If you have a history of collapsing around goals and resolutions that patterning will be hard to overcome. Having a plan and structure to compensate for this liability, will give you the best shot at creating a different and satisfying outcome.
As is the case with most behavioral approaches towards change and growth, there are usually underpinnings of emotional components at play. It is important to be gentle and forgiving with yourself as you undertake new goals and resolutions. Remember to enjoy the journey as well as staying focused on the end result. Please pay attention to any emotional trappings that might emerge (fear, shame and inadequacy, etc.) and if you find that accomplishing your goals or follow through with the resolutions you’ve chosen are beyond your grasp, even with the use of the above format, we suggest you seek out some additional support such as counseling, mentoring or coaching to help with your success. Be willing to go to any lengths to achieve the results and outcomes you desire. You are worth it you know!
We wish you a happy, healthy and fulfilling year ahead. We hope this coming year for each of you brings meaning, joy and success into your lives, your place of business and most importantly, your homes.
We both look very forward to the year ahead as we think about topics for future newsletters and ways of staying in contact and connection with all of you. Be well.
Bob and Brad
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